The First Bird Flies the Nest

I begin writing this post just past 3am on the last night my oldest stays at my house before he heads off to college. If all goes according to plan, he’ll be back here at some point before the official end of the semester — this year’s COVID-19 pandemic has seen every college in the U.S. either shorten or eliminate its in-person, on-campus activities for this Fall semester. But, even so, it won’t be quite the same. This is still his house (well… this is still one of his houses, anyway), but the situation will be different. He’ll be a semi-autonomous adult.

More on that later.

I’m posting here because I want to share this letter I just handwrote him, sealed up, and placed in his computer in his backpack. I imagine he will not likely see it until well into his trip, possibly not even until he unpacks in his dorm room. I’ve had over eighteen years to prepare this letter, and I failed miserably because, like any foolish college student, I waited until the night before to do my homework. It’s full of grammatical errors and, well, I’d word things a lot differently if I were to allow myself a few more hours, but I have work tomorrow after I see him off, and I can always mail him a letter to his new campus address in the days ahead. Right?

Still, here’s my first (and final) draft:

Dear Ben,

There’s a strange power in the situation you are about to find yourself in. You will discover you need more toothpaste, or a special kind of eraser, or snacks for your dorm room, and you get to go out and buy those things. Or not. You get to look for an on-campus job and you get to figure out what kind of schedule to ask for. You get to put up posters — or not — without having to worry about your brother or your parents or what-will-your-Grandpa-think-if-he-sees-this-on-your-wall? [sic]

If you’re unhappy, you can change something. If you like the way things are going, you can keep on going there.

It’s kinda cool. Now, more than ever before, you are the boss of you.

I hope we have helped prepare you well for all this. I have no idea if we have. But, I do know that you’re smart, you’re capable, and when you pursue something with enthusiasm, you are unstoppable.

You are a natural leader. You have charisma. I hope you use these super powers of yours for good. I hope you will continue to be kind, but without compromising yourself. I hope you will continue to defend what is right, without sacrificing yourself. I hope you will remember to have faith in yourself. And, even though I do sometimes worry (it’s a thing parents do), it’s not because I don’t have faith in you. I have plenty of faith in you. I just sometimes worry that you might forget that you can do this. “You got this,” as the saying goes.

You have a big brain. Use it!

And, remember the two most important technologies available to you. They will not fail you:

1) “Looking for things.” And,

2) “Asking for help.”

I love you, Ben. That will never change.

Now, go have fun and exercise that big brain of yours!

–Dad

I’d post more tonight, but it’s time to get to bed. I have to get up in a few hours to see him off. Besides, I’ve got something in my eyes.