Posted by: itneverrainsinseattle | September 26, 2011

Kowalski! Status Report!

Yes, it’s been a while. Sorry about that.

Several of you have been kind enough to ping me both behind the scenes on here on the blog, in comments, to ask if things are going okay for me, given that it’s been well over a month since my last post. Is there life after divorce? It turns out that there is. But a lot of it seems to be spent in… recuperation.

The Kids. The kids are doing great, for the most part. I feel like I have to add that last part because, come on, kids are always going through *some* learning curve, whether their parents are divorced or not. The two older kids (ages 9 and 6) are not getting along as well with each other as I’d prefer, and the middle child still resists doing what he’s told… but nothing about that seems related to divorce. It seems more like business-as-usual for 9- and 6-year-old brothers. I’ve been told that the fact that they continue to sometimes not get along shows that they remain secure in their home life; that if their home life seemed too tumultuous to them, they’d cling to each other as islands of constancy rather than try to get each other’s proverbial goats.

The youngest (3), in the meantime, has suddenly pushed back hard on the potty training, which means we are sending him to pre-school in clear violation of the rules on that subject. We’ve never had this kind of outright refusal to use the potty/toilet from the other two, but I suppose each one has to blaze their own trail. Aside from going into the “terrible threes”, our youngest is proving to be very outgoing, engaging, talkative, and expressive. Except for using the potty, he is asserting his ability to do things for himself.

When they’re not bugging each other, the kids are generally happy and engaged. They love to read and ride their bicycles, listen to my music, and yes, watch TV. Speaking of music… all three can tell you the differences between the Run DMC and Aerosmith versions of “Walk This Way,” and each has their own reasons for preferring one or the other, but no, they don’t actually understand the lyrics, and that’s just as well.

The Finances. I continue to be employed, doing work that keeps me intellectually engaged, with co-workers who appear to appreciate my efforts, and a paycheck that covers my bills. I’m slowly recovering from the financial strain that led to losing the house — and, let’s face it, divorce means both parties are now supporting an entire household without the benefit of someone at home to help take care of things. So, I’m slowly starting to regain my financial footing. This is just as well, as my car is starting to show its age, and I need to rebuild a cushion in case another work slow-down leaves me gaps between paychecks.

The job itself has some high pressure moments, but only on days that end in a ‘y’, and while the strain is sometimes a bit intense, I’ve had much, much worse. Still, seeing how much pressure there is… has the workplace always been this high-stress, and I just never quite comprehended that, or are we, as Americans, working ourselves up into a frenzy more so than in decades past? In the past, I could say it was just me putting pressure on myself, but this is my third foray into Big Corporate America, and I’m seeing pressure coming from all sides. Hmmm…

The Ex. Penny and I continue to co-parent well together, which is a blessing, and I dare say we talk about as much as ever. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this here, so pardon me if I’m repeating myself, but I once observed to a friend that Penny’s and my relationship in divorce is not all that different from our relationship in marriage, and pondered whether that meant we had an excellent divorce or a terrible marriage. My friend replied, “Both.”

My health. Physically, I continue to be relatively healthy except for the fact that I’m overweight, and not quite at the top of my game when it comes to strength or fitness. I returned to Tae Kwon Do, but my knee does continue to bother me, and I’ve occasionally caught myself worrying (in the middle of class) about re-injury… which, as some of you may know, can cause one to be more prone to injury. Ugh. It’s difficult enough to try to get in any exercise when I have the kids and need to feed them, wash their laundry, and encourage them to do their homework, but even when I don’t have the kids, there’s so little free time to go around and so much crap I gotta do, and that I wanna do. So, sometimes I exercise, and sometimes I pay bills, and sometimes I sit around in my sweatpants and stare at the walls because I have no energy to do much else. Sometimes I surf the net, but obviously, I haven’t been writing much.

My writing. Um. Uh.

My love life. I’ve been on a few dates with Scarlette Johansson so far. Although we’ve only spent a weekend together at her summer cabin in unbridled passion, I take the fact that she still phones me every night to be a positive sign. Her work keeps her very busy, of course, so that’s managed to keep things nice and light as far as commitment goes. She loves the kids, though, and we can spend just hours talking about anything and everything. Oh, and she says I’m an excellent kisser.

Unfortunately, Sandra Bullock has said I’m going to have to make a choice between her and Scarlette if she’s going to continue to see me, as well. It’s kinda fun, dodging the paparazzi with her, and we’ve made quite a game out of it. But other than Sandra and Scarlette, there’s really not much going on in my love life at the moment.

There’s actually a lot more to tell. Lies about my love life aside, there’s a lot brewing. In a lot of ways, I’m in an in-between place, right now, as far as my head space goes. It’s a retrenching period. I suspect there always has to be one, as you shed one old life and start building a new one. But there has to be more to life than work, feed the kids, collapse into a coma, and then do it again the next day.

There’s more to come on what else is going on in my life, very soon…



  1. We’ll be waiting, baited breath and heartful hopes,

  2. You are back!! Good to see you and good to read the update!!:) Lovin the hot dates,I knew you were keeping secrets from us.

  3. Nice cliffhanger! And lovely choice of women, my two personal faves 😉

  4. Glad to see you have excellent taste in women! 🙂

    Yeah, this sounds like much of the same that I do. Good coparenting but on my time off, I sometimes want to just lie around or catch up on TV shows. This is why I sign up for triathlons… so it forces me to get off my hiney and get some exercise.

    Take care of yourself in there somewhere. And good luck deciding between the two lovely ladies! 😉

  5. glad to hear things are maintaining themselves. stay as rested as you can…

  6. Great to see that you haven’t given up blogging entirely – it’s not surprising that time is at a premium.

    A number of people have commented on my blog that your relationship with your ex during your marriage is a good indicator of how it will be after divorce. It’s certainly true for me.

    Take care,

  7. Your youngest concerns me. I went through a similar experience with my younger son, and I have reason to suspect that he was getting back at his mother for not protecting him from what I believe was an abusive day care facility. I would point out what I thought was evidence of the abuse only to be rebuffed that I was completely wrong.

    I’m not suggesting that your son was an abuse victim, just that his toilet aversion is his way of expressing anger at his mother.

    My younger son continued to have issues with elimination well into grade school. More than once I had to go get him because he’d had an “accident” – and I was working graveyard at the time. I wasn’t very pleased to have my sleep disturbed for this! It took a lot of work on his mother’s part to bring him to take up a responsible approach to his elimination. Nothing I did or said was of any value.

    Not knowing more about your experiences with your son causes me not to suggest potential courses of action. But this isn’t something to be ignored because “he’ll grow out of it”. He’s upset, and this is the only way he has to express that anger. His parents are in for a challenging time, I’m afraid.

  8. I am looking forward to the next blog entry….I miss hearing about your progress. You must be in love…..

  9. So who has the kids for Halloween?

  10. THREE MONTHS is too long to go without hearing about your life! lol

  11. Looks like Leah wasn’t the only one wanting to kick you in the pants. Get blogging pal!! I KNOW you have a lot to say!!! 😉 Hop to it!

    • I ditto this!!

  12. He lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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