Posted by: itneverrainsinseattle | May 17, 2011

And the Dominoes Start to Fall… Fast

It’s been a while since my last post. Why has it taken me this long to return to my keyboard?


When I first started writing here, it was all about the uncertainty of the future. Is there anything left to try to save both my marriage and my sanity? If not, which should I sacrifice? What is in the best interest of my (our) kids? I was underemployed and facing losing the house, and underloved and facing losing my mind or my marriage (or both).

And as I got back on my feet financially (albeit too late to rescue the house), and as Penny and I began to work through our inevitable divorce, I would occasionally lament the fact that there was still so much left to do, so much farther left to go. I understood the importance of not rushing things, but damn, I wanted to get on with my life. Other friends arrived later than us to their own divorce decisions, and seemed to be zipping on by us. Were we doing something wrong? It’s been a long, slow process of putting things in order.

Funny how you can take so long setting up the dominoes, and then all it takes is one little bump to set everything off.

After multiple delays, the bank the held the first mortgage on our house finally foreclosed just days ago. They took it to auction, setting a price that made it clear that their intention was to hold on to the property. Nobody bid on the house, and they kept the property. I am now in the throes of hauling out the last of my stuff from the marital home — we are allowed twenty days by law to gather up our stuff and go, but I just want to get my stuff out and be done with the whole thing.

The same week that our house went to auction, there was the final mediation session for our divorce, in which our skilled, non-biased professional mediator launched a sneak attack on me that still has me smarting. In the end, we arrived at an agreement that I can live with, but how we got there makes me feel incredibly manipulated and abused.

Speaking of abuse at the hands of lawyers… the office of my own lawyer, whose services I secured simply to review the documents before I sign them, informed me that the price I had been quoted was not to review all of the documents, but just one part of them, and if I wanted all of the documents reviewed, I’d have to pay another hundred dollars. At least they were kind enough to wait until I was a mere few days away from finalizing the divorce before springing this on me.

What the intercourse is up with lawyers and bait-and-switch? Is “Coitusing Your Clients 101” a required course, or an honors elective? Effing effing [blasphemy, body parts, anatomically improbable activity] effers.

[Yes, I know sometimes I’ve actually allowed a colorful word or two to grace these pages, but if I typed out how I really feel right now, even my computer would blush with shame.]

Where was I?

Right, so my lawyer is presumably looking over the proposed divorce documents, and I will likely be presenting those documents to the court imminently.

The odds are close to one hundred percent that I will complete my move-out from the house I no longer own on the same day that my divorce is finalized. And that day is just a few days from now.

I couldn’t have timed it more perfectly if I’d tried.

In the couple of weeks since my last post, I’ve also met up with some fellow bloggers in person, had lunch with a previously mentioned home-town friend of mine (who gave me a much-needed wake-up call), and re-injured my shoulder. I’ll be blogging about all of this and more in greater detail in the coming days and weeks, but suffice it to say… the evidence suggests that my new life is starting to take root even as I close the chapter in dramatic fashion on the life I am leaving behind.

Here’s to good friends, old and new. Here’s to what should be a satisfying payoff after such a careful set up. Here’s to healthy endings and new beginnings. And here’s to Shakespeare:

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”



  1. Every single person who ever stereotypes others is a bad person, INRIS.

    I am not a monster…I am a lawyer!

    Your Friend the Lawyer

    • I agree wholeheartedly. A team of doctors misdiagnosed by brother-in-law and gave him 6 months to live and then said oops, we were wrong. My friend had an accountant make a mistake that cost her thousands in interest and fees for a new accountant. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage. I still go to the doctor, I still use an accountant and I have not sworn off men. I understand your anger and frustration, but I think you’re misdirecting your emotions. I paid $400 an hour to ensure I wasn’t getting taken advantage of by my ex. Pay the $100 and move on.

  2. Sorry your experience with lawyers has been a bad one. I work with some great ones and hate to see them all painted with the same brush. Although I certainly do understand your frustration. There are some real doozies out there. I think the divorce process can be confusing and hard, even on a good day, and I’m not talking about the emotional aspect. I’m simply talking about the paperwork. It took me quite a while working in family law (as a paralegal) to fully grasp all of the complexities of this system and there are days when I truly feel for the folks who are trying to navigate this system on their own. More power to you that you’ve done it!!

    I am glad to see that your new life is starting to take root and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You deserve all of the happiness that is heading your way. I’ve been following your blog for quite some time and I am so happy to see that you have made the decisions that you feel good about and that you have a fresh start ahead of you. Best wishes to you!!!

  3. Wow. Dude, you really filled this post with a chock full of activity over the past couple of weeks. re: lawyer, the bait and switch SUCKS. I am thankful to have had a good enough lawyer for that not to happen. Not to say yours was bad, per se, but you know what I mean. re: house foreclosure. ouch. No matter what, it still stings, doesn’t it? I felt some mourning when my short sale closed for sure, so I bet you are too…re: the new life you are building…YES!!! I am so glad it’s almost over and you are almost there. You are on your way…now just take that new life one day at a time, mmk?

  4. man, once it gets going, it flies, eh? congratulations on the upcoming closure. it will feel so, so nice.

    and from a non-evil lawyer: your attorney may very well have violated the rules of professional conduct if it wasn’t clear from the word jump that the fee you agreed to did not cover the scope of the work you understood it to cover. without the details, i can’t say more, but if he/she violated the rules, you’d be entitled to damages.

    i don’t know what to tell you about the mediator. those rules are often designed to insulate bad mediators. that. seriously. SUCKS.

  5. Don’t even get me started on my FIRST divorce lawyer… grrr….

    So glad to hear that things are LITERALLY falling into place. Looking forward to reading more about this old/new friend. 😉

    And take care of that shoulder during the move! (Try some homeopathic Arnica.)

  6. Well, the dominos were bound to start toppling over at some point… I’m glad it’s happening now, better quick than (any more) long and drawn out.

    Can you see the light, yet? 🙂

  7. Funny how once the ball starts rolling, it really starts picking up speed. At least the end is near.

  8. I’m glad things are finally moving along, even if not exactly the way you wanted. There seems to be a lot of that going around these days. 😉

    I’d love to catch up via Skype one of these days. Let me know.

  9. Love your positive attitude after all the crap you’ve been through. (Wait, do I detect a hint of sarcasm in your post?) 🙂 New to your blog…looking forward to more reading.

  10. “What the intercourse…”. Took me a second … but then I laughed. Good one!

  11. Lawyers don’t have their reputations without reason, my friend! Knowing and controlling the law as they collectively do, it is all about seeing to it that they are enriched and not that you get justice. As they saying goes, justice is only for those who can afford it.

    I can see that you are under a lot of pressure, but I see that some of it may be self-imposed. Pushing yourself to get out of the house is likely why you injured your shoulder again. You have to prevent reinjuries like this, or else you may never truly heal. I still hobble about on an ankle that never quite healed due to walking about on it too early.

    Maybe the good thing about all this is that you will have more “color” to add to your novel when you get back to it. I’ve missed that developing story!

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