Posted by: itneverrainsinseattle | June 8, 2010


My first trip back east in over three years. A chance to meet family and friends I haven’t seen in a long time. It’s been good.

I brought work with me. Don’t I always? It’s been hard to get any of it done, because I don’t want to pass up opportunities to chat with my parents, meet up with local friends, or sample the foods that I grew up with and that can only be found here.

One of those things I need to work on is not paying work, but rather, forms I need to fill out for the bank in order to take another stab and restructuring the mortgage. I really need to get this done. But wow, it’s a lot of work.

But as for the vacation aspect of this vacation, it’s going great. Met up with some family and family friends at an old corner pub that has been run by family friends for generations. Their version of a local food fave is out of this world.

Had dinner with another old friend of mine (someone who went to University with Gabe and me) and it felt just so… comfortable. Casual. My friend’s boyfriend joined us, and I was a little worried beforehand that either there might be some awkwardness from the boyfriend (“who the hell is this guy from your past to suddenly drop in?”) or that I might be a bit of a third wheel, an outsider to their world. Instead, it was all smooth. Just three friends hanging out, cooking dinner, and catching up. It’s the most at ease I’ve felt in a long time. There was no pressure. No expectations. Lots of good food for thought and good food for the belly.

One sad piece of news, though, was that another mutual friend with whom I’d lost touch had died a few years ago. This friend, also from our Generation days, had suffered from depression. This I had not known. When she took her life, she left behind two daughters (about whom I also had not known). The fact that she’s gone saddens me — she was a beautiful, caring person. I had a great deal of affinity for her. But the fact that so much had happened that I had been out of the loop for, well… shit. Could I have made any sort of difference if I’d remained connected with her? Could I have?

I did once before, you know.

But that’s another story for another day.

I’ve been pleased to build up a lot of connections while I’m here. I’m not only renewing connections with friends from my past, but also some of my internet friends, now that I have down time to actually chat with them. That’s been refreshing. And all of this connection has helped me to feel more grounded. Everything I’m facing right now is all manageable. And everything is looking up. The days ahead are, quite simply, all about moving forward and rebuilding my life. Better. Faster. Stronger.

I’m going to repost something here that I posted before, because I sincerely believe that we all need the reminder. This is the final public performance of my friend Gabe, who died this past January. She was 43 years old.

Remind your friends you love them. Take the time to renew your connection to each other. And do something today to move yourself forward, even if it’s only the tiniest of baby steps.

What are you waiting for?

With love,




  1. If you do get a chance to come to Rochester, make sure to have a garbage plate! Safe and happy travels!

  2. So sad to hear about your friend – and I’m so sorry to hear it, especially with two daughters. Tragic. And that video, wow, it gets me every single time. Absolutely love it. I’m glad you are having such a great trip, it sounds like it is JUST what you needed.

  3. jeez. thoughts for your friend’s family, still to this day.

    connections are so vital in all of this, especially connections to the people who knew who you were before you got into the relationship that went wrong. i’ve been steeping myself in the people who knew me as myself, not just as “magnolia-and-her-man”, a LOT in the last few months. it’s made all of this a little easier. a little.

    have a fabulous rest of your trip. live it up; it’s good for the soul. 🙂

  4. It’s good that you are able to reconnect with your past. Thrilled that you seem to be having such a nice trip. Have some salt potatoes for me. It’s not the same at a cookout without them. 🙂

  5. So glad everything is going well but sorry to hear about your friend. We all need to step outside the box and take those breathers from life and this seems like exactly what you needed. Also, it is good to see you writing more posts. I’ve missed you!

  6. Its that KNOWING that we are connected always… that is what keeps us going, or as you said, grounds us. So true.

    Beautiful post. Sad about the loss of your friend and the children she left behind…

    That video… is … amazing.

  7. I should have read this post first! I now can see where your downward mood swing came from.

    When you decide to relate the tale of your suicidal friend, just remember that if you were going to connect it would have happened then. You also cannot be sure that had you done so she wouldn’t have killed herself anyway. No one can save someone bent on suicide. One can only assist such a tortured soul if help is requested. And then, what most of us should do is see to it that a qualified professional is contacted and be supportive. But even this approach isn’t fool proof.

    I have had two friends and coworkers kill themselves, one calling in to work “dead” right before he pulled the trigger. The secretary who was on the other end still suffers trauma from that event.

    To sum up before this turns into a book, I suggest that you look at your instinct to rescue damsels in distress with an eye toward ensuring that it isn’t ruling your thoughts.

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