Posted by: itneverrainsinseattle | June 5, 2010

Custody

An open letter to Penny —
Which, ironically, can be read by anybody but Penny.

Dear Penny:

So, I leave the house to go to an event that is not connected to the kids or to you or to work. And then on those occasions when you answer the phone, you sound beleaguered and overwhelmed by all that the kids are putting you through. And generally overrun and unhappy. Miserable, even.

Maybe this is not a deliberate attempt on your part to elicit feelings of guilt from me, although I think it likely that on some level, you are knowingly trying to convey to me the message that you do not approve of me doing something that does not directly benefit the kids or you.

But your intentions aside, it does raise the question…

How are you going to be able to manage those days when you have custody of the kids, once we are living in separate households?

Hmmm?

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Responses

  1. Careful, my friend! You are planting the seeds of needless conflict by asking this question of everyone BUT Penny. As she is their mother with legal rights, you can’t indulge yourself in a bit of superior emotional celebration without adversely affecting your own position later. If you have honest concerns about the welfare of your children in her care, you need to discuss this with her -NOW!- and not us. Just take good notes in case your concerns are legitimate.

  2. ToppHogg has a point. Have you talked to Penny about this?

  3. Trust me. She’s working the guilt angle. You know the kids are safe. You know she has things under control. And you know she really may feel overwhelmed. It’s okay. It’s an adjustment. For everyone. There will be lots of growing pains. Good that she has brief moments now to start to get used to the idea.

    Stand tough. And do try to open the lines of communication.

    Big hugs!

  4. Yeah, very good questions here. I would definitely discuss this with her. Is she working you? Or is she really that helpless?

    Good luck.

    ((hugs))

  5. I’m with Nicki on the guilt thing but does Penny actually have control? People change. Dustin has changed. Things have happened that I have never dreamed that would happen, especially wtih Bear. Yes, keep open lines of communication but watch for that moment where she may just fall apart.

  6. I agree too. Be careful how you ask this!! I suggest that this note is a little too confrontational. You need the question answered and need to have the conversation, but you should probably phrase it differently. Like “I’m concerned that you seem so overwhelmed when you have the kids alone. How do you feel about this going forward when we are apart and you are solely responsible for the kids?” I wouldn’t say anything about activities not benefitting her or the kids. It’s like you are calling her selfish. And maybe she is, but you don’t need to point it out. Right now anyhow. It’s asking for trouble. Could you do this in person rather than in a note? Good luck, my friend.

  7. She is playing the guilt card, pure and simple. Of course she can handle 3 kids on her own. Remember, Penny would like it if you just stayed married to her, and didn’t want a life of your own, ever. So the fact that you are displaying strength likely makes her crazy. That’s all it is.
    But, yeah…I think you should call her on it.

  8. I fully understand the need for you to vent and be facetious and good on you for doing it bloggy style ;). That’s what we’re here for.


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