Posted by: itneverrainsinseattle | May 16, 2010

“How are you doing?”

Poker game last night. Well, Saturday night, and I haven’t gone to bed yet.

I get up at one point to grab some munchies. Rich, who is playing at a table nearby the snack table, is sitting out his hand, as well. “So, Inris, how are you doing?”

These thoughts pop instantly into my head: we’re divorcing, we’re in financial dire straights, we’re likely to lose the house, I’m about to have major surgery on my knee, and there’s some contention over who should own the business after the divorce, oh, and I can’t talk about any of this with any of you, lest the entire neighborhood know about it before I even get back home.

What I say, after a pause (which I know he picked up on) but still in an upbeat way, is, “If I were having any more fun, I would be twins.”

He gives me a knowing nod. “Yeah, things could be better for me.” There’s a second there… I feel the connection. There’s more he wants to say. Does he sense there’s more going on with me, as well?

He and I don’t get a chance to chat much, which is too bad. He gets bumped out of the tournament (surprisingly) long before I do. Oh, and if you’re interested, I don’t finish the tournament in the money. C’est la vie.

But, here’s the thing. He asked the question, and I considered all of those things that are at the forefront of my mind, but the solid truth of the matter is: it’s okay. I’m okay. Yes, I know it’s all going to work out in the end, and yes I know there’s a lot to do between now and that point. Yes, everyone tells me that this knee surgery (and the recuperation) is going to be a bitch. But that’s not where I’m at right now. Moods are funny that way. I’ve certainly had my up and down moods. But right now? How am I doing?

I’m okay. The overwhelm is starting to dissipate. “I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way.”

Not that it ever rains in Seattle.

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Responses

  1. You’re right….
    It’s gonna be a bright, bright, bright sunny day!

    Time takes care of everything, doesn’t it? Look how far you’ve come! Be proud, and stay happy.

  2. It’s good to feel “just” okay – ya know, in the grand scheme, okay is a great, very, very great way to feel despite it all. So, be okay, mmk? 😉

  3. I know the feeling. I feel ok too. I am glad that is where you are at at least for the moment.

  4. It still sucks to play the masquerade when you just want to tell someone that all hell is breaking loose, but you’re ok.

  5. Hey, the important thing is that someone cared enough to ask.

    I’m really glad you’re state of mind is becoming a little more optimistic. 🙂

  6. I miss you. Let me know when you can chat. I need it as much as you do…

    Big hugs!


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