Posted by: itneverrainsinseattle | March 5, 2010

Resolution #4: Set Goals

This one is lifted directly from one of the mental requirements for my taekwondo school:

Resolution #4: To set short- and long-term goals.

I married someone who just wasn’t that into me. Okay. Mistakes happen. How did I end up staying in that situation for over ten years? As I noted in a previous post: one day at a time.

This is not to say that I’ve spent the last ten years utterly without direction. Not at all. But while I recognized my biggest problem, I took no action to address it, in particular. By setting neither short- nor long-term goals to fix it, I languished in it.

Goals can (and must!) change as circumstances change. As anyone who sails knows: when sailing, you spend most of your time heading in the wrong direction. But having a destination in mind can help you to determine what the right direction is, in the first place, and adjust accordingly. Course corrections are to be expected. There’s nothing wrong with resetting the sails — even changing your mind on which destination to pursue.

Let this serve as my notice to the Universe: I have a few important short- and long-term goals, and I welcome any and all appropriate help to get there.

  • Long-term goal: enjoy raising amazing children; to give them the tools they need to make their way in this world and contribute in a positive and meaningful way, themselves
  • Long-term goal: enjoy a mutually satisfying, loving relationship with a woman with whom I am not only sexually, emotionally, and intellectually compatible, but exceedingly well-matched. I want to be loving and be loved; feel loving and feel loved. I want a relationship that helps me to be a better person, to strive further and accomplish more than I would be able to do on my own. And where I can do the same for my partner.
  • Long-term goal: enjoy enough financial and material abundance that I can provide a comfortable lifestyle for myself, my family, and my loved ones, and also contribute to the betterment of causes and individuals I care about.
  • Long-term goal: enjoy expanding and improving my creative outlets.
  • Long-term goal: continue to enjoy excellent health.

I have others, but those are the four that are foremost in my mind at the moment.

Toward those long-term goals, I plan to pursue:

  • Short-term goal: gently but firmly remove myself from my current marriage, doing so with honor, integrity, and respect both for my wife and my children, as well as for myself. The essence of this goal is to improve the lives of myself, my wife, and my children by separating from my wife.
  • Short-term goal: stem my current “financial bleeding.” Resolve the condition of my current business as favorably as possible, seek full-time employment, and reduce the number of extraneous commitments I’ve made with my time. Focus!
  • Short-term goal: all that notwithstanding, resume work on (and drive to completion) my current novel-writing project.
  • Short-term goal: continue advancing in taekwondo. Continue to restrict certain Very Bad Items from my diet!

Hmmm. What else should sit on my list that’s obvious but I’ve somehow neglected (but without making the list bloated)?

And… what’s on your list?



  1. Trying to get my life to balance out again is a top priority. The move, while something I really wanted, has created a lot of upheaval in my routines. Re-establishing them is key.

    PS. You have really well-thought goals. Can’t wait to see the execution.

  2. Inris, I could not have said it better myself (for the long term goals). My short term goals are a bit different (but I can’t think of what they are at the moment).

  3. Agreed – VERY good and well thought out goals, and very respectable ones too. You’re going to make the right woman very happy, and she’ll be lucky to have you! And, your children are lucky to have such a devoted, dedicated father. As for very bad things…what’s your food vice?! 😉 Mine? baked cheetos – seriously, it sounds “low fat” but if you can eat the whole bag, no longer a low fat option!! (my random two cents to this post!)

    As for one of my long term goals? Let go of routine a bit…I’m so rigid in my schedule (being early for work…what’s wrong with just being on time?! Working out every single day, what’s wrong with a rest day?!) etc. Future blog on that to come…

  4. “You cannot make it as a wandering generality. You have to be a meaningful specific” -Zig Ziglar

    My goal? Turn The Divorce Encouragist into a successful client-focused coaching practice.

  5. Great goals! They sound acheivable and that’s always something to keep in mind.

    My goals are mostly financial and career oriented right now. Get another promotion (that should be coming soon), maximize my cashflow and minimize my monthly bills, and learn to be less impulsive and more frugal with my purchases. Take at least a couple small trips each year until I can afford to take bigger trips. Then there’s the goals I just blogged about which I haven’t quite gotten figured out… And lastly, I’ve turned this into a continuous goal- happiness. I love being happy, and I want to be smart enough to never let myself become miserable again!

  6. Add this to your list instead… be happy! You’re working towards a goal to make your life better and happier in the future, but there’s no sense in waiting. Times will be tough on you short-term, but you know it’s all working for the better – a means to an end. Be happy that you’ve taken these first steps regardless of how long it took to make them. Be happy that you will continue to be a great parent to your children, and honestly, a great soon-to-be-ex to your wife. If you make your half of the process easy, she’ll be hard-pressed to do otherwise. And be happy because when the divorce is over and you’re ready to move on, better to be the happy divorcee who’s now available for new commitments, instead of the bitter shell of a man who will take years to shed the baggage of a previous relationship. Good women will want the former!

  7. […] Whether that be dating, or realizing that you have made the right decision, or rebuilding your life , to finding perspective and happiness – it’s the edge of something good, great, frickin […]

  8. I found your link through I was reading what you wrote and was amazed at how much I related to and how many times I have said the same thing to myself.
    I am not sure if we wear blinders on early in our relationship or that we truly do grow apart. I have had difficulty with all of it because we are taught to adhere to those vows we have taken despite our own pain or the lack of respect we recieve from our partner. It really is about respect as I see that as the number one instrumental tool in your long term goals.
    1. respect for family and rasing of our chidlren.
    2. respect for the relationship to enjoy a mutually satisfying, loving relationship with a person with” whom I am not only sexually, emotionally, and intellectually compatible, but exceedingly well-matched. I want to be loving and be loved; feel loving and feel loved. I want a relationship that helps me to be a better person, to strive further and accomplish more than I would be able to do on my own. And where I can do the same for my partner.”
    3. Respect an faith in self that I can provide the comfort I desiere.
    4. Respect for who I am and allowing myself to journey where ever my soul deems the right path. Exploring my inner being , dreams and desires as well touching on my creativity.
    5. Respect for body and mind and that we continue our journey in health.

    I wish you luck on your journey and that you find the partner who is capable of pulling when you need pulled, pushing when you need pushed and walking beside you with the respect you deserve and to continue the dream when all else is said and done. Not knowing you I not only respect you for adult handling of a personal situation but for the sharing of your goals.


  9. Great list of goals. I am feeling the need to do this myself, but feel like I’m in limbo until I really decide where I’m going and what, specifically, I want. Here’s hoping I develop some of your clarity soon.

  10. […] jolene1079 under Me | Tags: goals, life, routine | Leave a Comment  A recent blog post from INRIS sparked today’s post – around long-term […]

  11. A former coworker wrote something many years ago that stuck with me: “When the winds change, adjust your sails”.

    I think I blogged about my long-term goals recently. Ah yes, it was just before Nude Ears Eve.

    My short term goals are (somewhat tongue-in-cheek):
    1. Get a job (pick one dammit woman!)
    2. Find a place to live (pick a city dammit woman!)
    3. Buy shoes to celebrate getting a job.
    4. Buy shoes to celebrate owning a home.
    5. Get drunk (this one, I have no problems with!)

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