Posted by: itneverrainsinseattle | January 4, 2010

They’re all GAY!

Tonight, my soon-to-be-ex-wife came into our youngest’s room while the little guy and I were going through our nighttime reading ritual.

“Well, that’s the fourth one,” she said. “The fourth ex-boyfriend of mine I’ve connected with on Facebook who is a member of some gay coming-out group. This was a guy I dated in high school. I’m now four for four. All of the guys I used to date who I’ve connected with on Facebook. They’re all gay.”

She gave me a look I had no idea how to interpret.

“Well, I don’t know what you did to those guys,” I said, “but I’m straight, and I’m going to stay straight. Whatever you did to them isn’t working on me. Maybe… maybe you’re gay. Maybe it’s contagious.”

“I’m not gay,” she replied.

“Well, neither am I. I plan to keep it that way.”

(…of course, what I should have said was, “Prove it.” But, it’s just as well that I didn’t….)


All of this was said in playful tones, by the way. Oh, and I suppose I should also add: “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

Still… kind of odd, no?




    What is with this major slap at your manhood? Penny is pissed off about something and this is how she’s dealing with it. “Mentioning” that all the guys she dated in high school have since come out of the closet could indicate a kind of perverse pleasure, as if she had something to do with this. “I plan to keep it that way” is the indicator!

    You were wise not to pursue the implied invitation, for it was a trap. I don’t think things are going as well as you might think. I’ll stop here and let the other regulars chime in.

    • I think that when I wrote this, I may have erred by not including “he said,” and “she said” tags. So, I just added some to make it more clear who was saying what to whom. That probably changes the meaning of the whole exchange.

      That said, the conversation was actually sorta playful. She was coming to me saying, “Hmm. Here’s something odd.” But giving me a meaningful look where I had no idea what the meaning was. And my response was, “Yes, it’s odd, but if you’re trying to read something into it, I can’t help you.” Said in a light manner, rather than in an accusatory manner. I imagine it must be weird for her to discover that all her past boyfriends have come out of the closet. All but one — the shithead who had wooed her away from me all those years ago. But if she’s trying to make some connection between those guys and me, then her reality distortion field is set to “Bizarre.”

  2. Wow. Miss a few days, miss a lot. Sorry. And thanks for that really great comment the other day.

    I’ve been a little distracted by things going on in my own life. I’ve neglected my blog family.

    It seems like you’ve managed well despite my absence. šŸ˜‰

    Know that I’m thinking of you. Wishing you as painless a resolution as possible. It seems like you are finally on the right track! yay!

  3. This exchange sounds to me like Penny’s way of lightening things up, and treating you as a friend. I think it’s positive. There’s been so much tension in your household, and now you can joke with each other. Wonderful.

    What else struck me, though, is the interesting “fact” that Penny seemed to gravitate toward gay men in her dating years. Probably no accident. They didn’t want (much) sex from her, I’m sure. And she probably liked it that way.

    So…. what should you take from this? If I were you, I’d have a BIG smile on my face….knowing beyond any doubt, that I was not the problem.

    Say it loud and say it often….
    “It’s not ME, it never was. It’s HER, it always was!”

    • ditto see my post post below Leah

      • Sorry, I’m a bit behind, but my thoughts exactly!

  4. Neverrains I think what got lost in the fog of the conversation is this:

    She has been contacting Exes. Care to speculate for how long?…and for what purpose? In relationships this is never a good sign, and while you no longer care for her, it does tell you where Penny’s head has been…for a while probably. Just one more data point for you which points in the same direction and path you have chosen.

    What it also shows is her inclination to bond with men who are or were not probably inclined to relate sexually to her[this is or could be her preference]. If anything, this MIGHT point to her being incapable of being close and intimate with you throughout all these years.

    While I remain friends with three of my ex girlfriends I respect their relationships and they respect mine. I am over them and there is no going back, but make no mistake this were women that were and are still attractive so the juices flow if no boundaries are set. We all know that and respect them.

    Regarding the “Sh*thead”, well if he isn’t married, my guess is that Penny probably already has contacted him.

  5. Well I have to agree with ToppHogg. I think this is her heavy artillery in the arsenal she is using to get you to beg for her.

    When I throw out that suggestion about a man-friend/wanna-be-boyfriend potentially being gay, it’s a (admittedly passive-aggressive) last resort stab in the dark to say, “hey, why haven’t you made a move on me yet?”. It is absolutely a challenge to their manhood. If they don’t wish to prove it to me, that’s the end of that. Hey, it has worked 100% of the time for me. Please, please, I’m begging, do not fall for this (unless of course it’s me that’s setting the trap ;))

  6. I don’t know how odd it really is. I know I’ve dated boys that didn’t know which way they were until later. A lot of my friends dated boys who realized they were gay (or some even we still have bets on). Sometimes girls get unlucky picking up on guys who are trying so damn hard to be straight. But I’m glad to hear you’re completely sure of your sexuality.

    • Thanks for dropping by, Faemom. Interesting comment. I’m not aware of any women I’ve dated having come out of the proverbial closet, although several have since experienced major religious conversions (which is similarly… unexpected).

  7. Women either take longer to come out or they know at a younger age they’re not into guys. I’ve a guy friend who says it’s a great compliment to have a girl switch sides because she couldn’t make it with the best, she might as well switch teams. So what exactly should we read into these major religious conversions? Hmmm?

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