Posted by: itneverrainsinseattle | May 22, 2013

The end of one chapter and the beginning of another

And if I had the choice,
I’ll take the voice I got,
‘Cause it was hard to find.
You know, I’ve come too far
to wind up right back where I started….
–Concrete Blonde, True

It’s been a while since I posted here on my public, albeit pseudonymous, blog. I’ve been busy. I’ve been retrenching. I’ve been rebuilding.

When I started this blog, with an entry entitled The Beginning of the End is Still a Beginning… Right?, I was struggling to come to terms with the increasingly inevitable end of my marriage. By getting my thoughts out onto these pages, and engaging in such constructive dialog with you, my faithful readers, I was able to navigate the treacherous waters of divorce without upending the entire enterprise. The kids are doing well, and Penny and I have been maintaining a healthy co-parenting arrangement. I’ve begun the long, slow process of getting my financial house back in order, and I’ve done what I can to strengthen my already healthy relationship with my boys.

Somewhere along the way, I seem to have lost my voice. I’m not referring to my speaking voice (although, oddly, that has happened, too; my singing/speaking voice still hasn’t fully recovered from a bout of laryngitis a few months ago), but rather, the part of me that is Inris. The keeper of this blog; the teller of this tale. If the chapter of my life entitled Marriage and Divorce has drawn to a guardedly successful resolution, what’s to be the tone of the chapter to follow? Having addressed the concept of Not This, I’ve been still at a loss to pick up the thread of Then What?

I’ve been maintaining a kind of holding pattern, during which the fog that has enveloped my mind for the last few years of my marriage has begun to clear. It’s not quite yet obvious to me what’s next, but some options are falling away, and I’m starting to feel recovered enough to head off soon on some new adventure.

Certainly, a large part of the next chapter of my life involves being the best father I can be to my boys. I suspect that part of what comes next will also involve having to address the damage that was willfully (though, impersonally) done to me by certain financial institutions. While I have a fine job at the moment that is helping me to pay the bills, there will also have to be some deliberate decision-making regarding my near-term and long-term career goals. So, yes, all of this will help to shape the story of this new chapter in my life.

But there also needs to be romance. Let’s face it: one of the primary reasons my marriage failed was the lack of romance. So, now that the marriage is over, there’s room to let some love back into this story. But how is that going to work out for a mid-40s, single father of three who divides most of his time between work, kids, and recuperation?

Would it surprise you to learn, dear friends, that there can, indeed, be romance after divorce, even for this jaded heart?

Because, the next chapter does, in fact, begin with yours truly starting a conversation with a beautiful young woman who is smart and sexy, and who speaks my language.

She’s got kids of her own, so we have that in common. She’s coming out of a marriage that has had some serious problems, but she is trying her best to make sure her new path is as healthy as possible, with ever an eye toward considering what’s best for her boys.

Her three boys.

Yes.

I know.

She loves me for my body as well as my mind. It’s so weird just to even type that out loud. That after such a very long dry spell, some welcome rain is making its way into this parched  life. Mrowr.

She surrounds herself with good, honest people; she strives for integrity in all that she does. She keeps me intellectually honest. She demands respect, and she gives it, as well. We share overlapping senses of humor, taste in music, and pop culture references.

For all of that, there really is only one complication.

You see, I live in Seattle.

She lives in Arizona.


Responses

  1. Ah, friend.

    Here’s the part where I’m supposed to have so many words of wisdom to share with you on the topic.

    First, though, let me say it’s good to see you writing. I’ve missed your ‘voice’.

    Secondly, I’m not going to wax poetic about anything here. I’m just going to say that sometimes we meet the right person at the right time in our lives for just the right reason. Try to enjoy the here and now without worrying too much about the future, logistics, and any of that. If you can enjoy where you are now, and who you’re with now, then this will be good. If it is meant to be more than it currently is, then you will find a way.

    When it’s the right one, it’s worth it all.

    Take care. And seriously — email me any time if you need a good pep talk about doing the long distance thing. You’ll always find a sympathetic ear here.

    xo

  2. Oh I am so happy to hear your voice again too! It has been far to long friend! I’m so ready to start the next journey of life with you! Does that sounds weird?:)

  3. Well it’s about bloody time you wrote about her!

  4. He’s baaaaaaaaaaaackkkk!! Yayyy!

    I’m just too happy to learn that you have found someone, to think about the distance issue right now.

    But I will say this: Congratulations! On your romance AND on being back here at your Blog…where you have been so sorely missed!

  5. Yep. What Sunshine said. Ahhh… the long distance relationship. I know it well.

    Very happy to read you again. Hope you’ll share more!

  6. Such wonderful warm rain your writing is. And many are in commuter relationships, its become more common and can definitely work, somehow, I am sure you will both find a way. Quality beats quantity :)

  7. Seattle to Arizona? And that’s the only hitch? Pshaw! Mutual attraction? Good physical, emotional, and intellectual chemistry? And she’s straight? Sounds like a winner!

  8. I keep wanting to “like” these comments. Facebook has me all screwed up. (Kind of like how I reach for my seatbelt as soon as I sit down in a movie theater.)

    Anyway….yeah…if the distance is the only problem, and everything else is great, I say GO FOR IT!

  9. I just need to say… you all are awesome. Truly.

    And, yes, there’s plenty more to come. I’ve missed you all!

  10. Gah, I’ve missed you too and your voice!! I love your posts and your insight and everything. and truly LOVE that you met someone! EVEN if she is in Arizona. This makes my heart happy for you!

  11. Ouch, that sucks… I would love to be happy for you but I can also see the difficulties that lie ahead. She obviously needs to be there for her boys (and to keep them near their dad presumably) but you also need to be where you are for your kids too. I guess that in order for you guys to be together some sacrifices will need to be made and probably by you (unfair I know).

    I do wish you both the best though and I hope it works out for you. I look forward to reading more of your posts for inspiration as I wrap up my own marriage and move into the scary world of singledom.


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